What is happiness?

Man, losing someone you loved SUCKS… having to see that person happy with someone else nearly every day… meh, it used to hurt really bad, but I am not one to wish bad on anyone, so I am happy for them. Maybe happy isn’t the right word to use since he’s offered to come “visit” me on more than one occasion. He was obviously not the person God has in store for my future. I just want to find happiness, and true love. I am learning to trust God more and more, and know that the only way I will find that person is by having patience.

It’s been a really long time since my last post (obviously) and a ton of fun things have happened. I hesitate to use the word busy, but life has been pretty full of awesome! Over the last month and a half, I have been to visit my family in Oklahoma, watched my daughter run in a ton of track meets, celebrated her 15th birthday, watched my son play basketball, been to a couple minor league hockey games, and I’ve been training for the half marathon that I’m running in 34 days!
My kids, and nephews

 

My sis and I getting ready

Me and the kids before my sis and I went to a movie.Lexy before her 1st high school track meet

My baby girl’s birthday cake.

Mr. P after scoring NINE baskets!

Kids at the hockey game.

Our view of a fight on the ice!

I also have a few fun things coming up as well. One of my childhood friends will be here this weekend, another friend and I will be traveling to Vegas, and my mama is coming for a visit. I have not seen her in over a year, and I can’t wait for one of those good hugs that only your mama can give!
Spending so much time being sad, and depressed made me miss out on a TON of great events with my friends. There were so many birthday parties, football games, barbeques, and weekend getaways going on that I could not drag myself out of bed for. That won’t be me this year. I fully intend on enjoying my spring, summer, fall, hell I’m going to enjoy the rest of my life! Seeing my kids smile is the best feeling ever, and right now that is all I need. Finding MY definition of happy, has been a struggle, but I think I am finally there!

Happy Monday!

Grattitude

I couldn’t be happier about leaving 2012 behind! It was certainly a year of many, many learning experiences that I will keep with me for the rest of my life.

Knowing what is important in life sounds like it would be common sense. I’m sure for many it is, but this girl had to hit her head a few times (or 10) to finally know what matters most:

I will never again take the love of my family and friends for granted. I spent a good part of years past pushing people away that cared so deeply about my well-being. Thankfully, the important ones never gave up…. even when it took 10+ years for me to come around:

(Picture from my last visit in April. We were drunk… it wasn’t pretty)

I know that I’ve talked about it before, but my relationship with my brother and sister was seriously strained because I took out the hurt/anger that I had towards my father, on them. I really resented the fact that they grew up with my dad and he took such an active role in their lives, but not mine. I’m over it. All of it. Even the ill feelings I had towards my dad are gone, despite not much being different. I think I just grew up, and realized that he is who he is. When I come around, we have an amazing time…. but when I’m not around, we don’t really talk. My brother and sister however, make up for that 100%. I feel so much love from them. It’s amazing!

This weekend, I get to go visit my family. It was supposed to be all of us hanging out, but my brother got called to the oil field and we won’t get to see him this trip. I’m sad, but I will still get to see my sister, brother-in-law, nephews, and my dad. I’m already in vacation mode despite having 4 more sleeps before we leave!

The last time I went for a visit, I had a really hard time leaving… and I still haven’t let go of the possibility of living there. Who in their right mind would leave California for Oklahoma? The thought of living close to my family though just feels so right.

Moving on…

There are a few blogs that I really enjoy reading on a weekly basis. One is Purpose Fairy. I like it because it helps me feel better about myself, and gives me the tools I need to be a better, more confident person. The post I read today was titled 10 Promises You Should Make to Yourself. I want to apply them ALL to my life, but here is the one I want to start doing IMMEDIATELY:

7. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future.

I tend to be really hard on myself for the mistakes I’ve made. I don’t know HOW to change that, but I am trying really hard to be forgiving of both myself and others.

Have you ever needed to forgive yourself for something?

I don’t have too many regrets in life, but the few I do have are hard to let go of.  Here are some of the things I am working on so I can forgive myself for the past:

• Love myself
• Remind myself that I am not the inventor of… (ex. lying, cheating, betrayal, lust, or temptation)
• Keep reminding myself that forgiveness is a sign of strength, and high self-esteem – qualities that I WANT to have

Anyway… This post has ended up being way longer than intended. I will leave you with a picture of my lil man helping his mama cook dinner last night.

He’s such a sweetheart! Always helping his mama 🙂

Alicia